The Submitted Husband

Whenever the subject of Men Loving their Wives and Women submitting to their Husbands come up, the position some men take can be worrying. I have concluded, listening to many men, that the church, from which many of them draw their position, need to do more to teach balance in the home. If the Bible talks about the two becoming one, then it is consequential, that both are considered one and the same, seeing and treating each other the same way each other would want to be treated. Gen 2:24.

Many young men have peaked, failed or are being frustrated in their personal and marital lives because of how they have treated, and/or are treating the women in their lives, especially their wives. Regardless of what is written anywhere in the Bible, whenever you are in doubt as to what to do as a husband, always be guided by this scripture. Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7 (THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MARRIED APOSTLE)

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from God. Proverbs 18:22 Many men are married but there is no good thing to show for, and no favour to point to. Maybe... Just maybe… their prayers and the attending blessings and favour from God are hindered because of how they have treated their wives.

As a man, you are charged, on the pain of hindered Prayers, not to frustrate your wife. So instead of quoting God's word, I suggest you go and talk to Him. Let Him understand His word seem not to be having the desired effect in your home…or at least it appears so. Ask for His Spirit to move in the life of your wife. In the beginning, the Earth was without form and void (…). But when the spirit of the Lord hovered over it and the Word went forth, the light came, and other things fell in place. Gen. 1. All you need is the Spirit of God to move on your behalf as a husband. Ask God for it. The heart of the king is in the hands of God and like a river course, he turns it the way he wants it. Proverbs 21:1

The Lord said to my lord, sit at my right hand until I make your enemies your footstool (…) the people will be willing in the days of your power. Ps. 110

All authorities are of God. Romans 13:1

Have you submitted your will and marriage to God yet? Conform to God's Word, to begin with; submit to His leadership. When you are in His corner, He will elevate you to His right-hand side. Then, if your wife is indeed contending with you, or frustrating and resisting you, as you perceive it, then the Lord will humble her for you. He contends with those who contend with us, especially if you are an authority He has established. If you are an authority God has established in your home indeed, then He will endorse you as the head (that you believe you are) and make your wife willing, without any contention or grudge. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, the Lamb and the Lion, dwell in peace.

Solomon did not have to fight the kind of wars his fathers fought in his days because the Lord, endorsed him, and went on to cause the nations around, and under him, to fear him. Solomon did not have to do it; God did it for him because he found favour, regardless of his many failings. Young man, you don't need to drag your wife into submission. That is not your job. It is her responsibility, and she is directly accountable to God. Why take up a role in enforcing a task assigned to someone on your behalf by God? Why not go to God if you think the job is not being done to specifications? Submission is like a Horse; you don't drag it, you lead it. God has never ever dragged us or compelled us into submission, I am sure you know that?

It is not enough to know God's word and quote it; you need to know the power behind the word so when you open your mouth, it is not just words that come, but power.

There are times you sit your wife down and talk, as humans, capable of reasoning. You can bring in a trusted outsider or two if you feel it is beyond you. There are, however, times you also lock up yourself and ask God to intervene if this marriage is of Him. If you are to do it His way, then He is mandated to help you, so you do not do it your way and shame Him. If you must get a few people you trust to help you pray, do. But know when to talk and when to pray, and when to combine both.

Always remember this my brothers, no one will submit to you, in the name of God, if you are not submitted to God. How can you go in the name of the King when you are a rebel to the crown? It doesn't work. The King's word is with His servant. It is only those He knows who can execute anything in His name. Does He know you? Because if He knows you, you do not need to do it on your own. His seal will be with you. Submit to God and watch Him put your house in order without you lifting a finger... Otherwise just stop using His word to suit you, which will most likely lead to frustration.

When God fixes your home, there will be no power struggle or a master-servant relationship. We all become joint heirs. That is when two can chase ten thousand, receive a better reward for their joint labour and lie together and be warm. Eccl. 4

Now Speaking Directly on the subject of submission, as I have done oftentimes, The Bible says in the book of Ephesians chapter 5 from 22 downward, women should submit (...) as unto God. Then the Bible says further that Men should love (...) as Christ loved the church. These two concepts are mutually exclusive to each other. One does not depend on the other for it to be obeyed. …As unto God… Not because your husband did A or B. …As Christ loved the church… Not because your wife did A or B. Each of us will be separately accountable for adhering or otherwise of same. It may not be enough to claim, you did not love your wife because she did not submit to you. When God commanded you, the reference point was not your wife, but AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH. Can Christ choose not to love the church? The church he died for? The very essence of his ministry? That is the weight on us as men and husbands, and the inexcusable demand the Bible places on us. It is almost a shackle on us. As Christ Love the church. You can negotiate that when you hear Christ's love for the church is wavering. Until then, remember it was a filthy, rebellious and haughty church He gave His life to. So until you love to the point of death, even a wife with no hint of submission in her blood, you are not in any way in the will of God, for you to claim someone’s submission. If a man is willing to die for his wife, he won't be talking about submission. His love covers her 'sin' of insubordination...as Christ did while we were yet sinners.

I am not against submissive wives; I am totally for it… It says in Ephesians 5:21, submit one to another out of reverence for Christ. So I am for it…from both parties. I am only taking this subject from this angle because, for a long time, the Bible has been quoted in part to manipulate women, and force them into submission, with no responsibility on the part of the men for the purposes of balance. It must end. As Ghanaians and Africans, this scripture suits us because it fits perfectly into our Patriarchal social structure, where a woman’s subjection to the headship of a man is absolute. So we take God’s word, pick this part that conforms to our cultural narrative and blows it out of proportion, dimming the light on the bit that is to balance it. So in the end, the Bible is seen as giving legitimacy to a demand which is more cultural than scriptural.

God has never compelled us to submit as a basis for His love. We are of our own free will supposed to submit considering all He does for us. The Bible is dripping with evidence of His love to us, to make us naturally submit to His kingship. The greatest of this is the ultimate sacrifice. Submission is compelled in the habitation of love. There it ceases to be an arduous task, but an exciting experience. I would rather you beat her down with love and see if she can have the legs to stand to resist you. Showing her love, is a call made to you, concentrate on it and do it.

PG Sebastian