The 6 D’s of Relationship Destruction
All of us sometimes engage in behaviors that make our partners uncomfortable. The actions listed below can tear your relationship apart and if they have become part of how you relate to each other, you will have significant problems sooner or later. It’s important to avoid the following: Deceit. If you don’t tell the whole truth as soon as possible, when your mate finds out, it could kill your relationship. Whatever it was you did that you need to fess up to, do it now, so it can be forgiven and dropped. The lies only get more complicated as you withhold the truth, and your partner will only distrust you more when those lies are revealed.
Drama. When everything becomes as dramatic as the last scene in Titanic, it just plain wears you out. If you are making mountains out of molehills, there is something else you need from the relationship. Find out what it is and start getting and giving it to each other. Your relationship should be a place of peace, not a stage to control the attention in the room.
Demands. People who want you to do things that tend to make you uncomfortable may discover that if they had asked nicely, you would do your best to give them what they want. But when someone demands attention, sex, or dinner on the table at six, and gets angry with you for not doing their bidding, I think some counseling is in order.
Disrespect. What research tells us is that when partners tend to be disrespectful of one another, their relationship has an 85 percent chance of dying. You simply must get on the same team and make the decision to stop being nasty to each other. No matter how upset you may be, try to explain it in a neutral way, without blame or rancor.
Domination. If you try to control your relationship, you aren’t going to have much energy for anything else. Making sure that everything is done your way can be exhausting! Look, we all have our little bouts of OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), but if your mate starts to cry or leaves the room when you tell him or her to reorganize the dishwasher, you have to ease up.
Discord. No couple gets along all the time. Trust me, you will bump heads more than a few times. The trick is to see the situation for what it really is, a momentary disagreement, which is perfectly normal. What is destructive is walking around holding on to toxic anger and making sure that every move you make bugs your partner. It's important to remember that if more than 25 percent of your relationship is spent in discord, you really need to get some help.
Avoid these actions and you may actually find yourself living happily ever after. If there are behaviors that you need and want to change and you know you could use some help, please don’t be afraid to get it. Going to therapy doesn’t mean you are broken—it means you are smart enough to solve a problem before it ruins your life and love.
